Things To Do While Waiting For a Baby To Be Born

be positive

Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Print from trulyvera's etsy shop)

Let’s assume you did all your baby stuff weeks ago, like I have– washed and folded the heart-flutteringly tiny clothes, set up the crib, installed the car seat, boiled bottles and binkies, started a college account (JUST KIDDING! HA HA HA)– and even remembered to obtain fun post-birth items for yourself, such as maxi pads and ice packs (home spa time!). Let’s assume you’ve also done all the secondary baby stuff, the stuff lazy relaxed second-timers like me are putting off, like getting a double stroller and studying the schedule of baby classes at the Y.

 

I’m not sure if anyone told him this, but Boombox’s due date was yesterday, and since his sister was born a little before her due date everyone was expecting him to come early too, which makes it feel like I’ve been playing the waiting game forever. I’ve heard tell of ladies who go two weeks (or more?) past their due date, which I would possibly worry about were I the worrying type but of course I am cool as a cucumber. A cucumber nervously considering the possibility of 2 more weeks of being pregnant.

Should you ever find yourself in such a predicament, here are some diversions I can recommend to take your mind off the fact that at any moment you might be about to begin one of the most intense and physically demanding experiences of your life and/or just continue to sit around feeling heavy and sleepy.

1) Catch up on work, review teaching syllabi, or, if you are the freelancing type, compile some pitches. HA HA JUST KIDDING your brain is total mush at this point.

2) Throw yourself into creative projects like novel revisions or perhaps outlining that short story you’ve been meaning to write. HA HA JUST KIDDING. See above.

3) Enjoy these precious, quiet pre-baby moments and read a book. HA HA JUST KIDDING. See above.

4) Catch up on the news. JUST KIDDING this will make you cry, and feel bad for feeling bad for yourself when all you’re doing is eating too much chocolate while your mother entertains your toddler and meanwhile the rest of the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

5) Wonder what happened to that burst of nesting energy that is supposed to inspire you to clean your whole apartment with a toothbrush. In lieu of this, nap. Wake up in pain because your body’s all in loosened-up ligamenty pieces — good for giving birth, but not so good for shifting in your sleep.

6) Field hundreds of texts and emails that say clever things like, “Any baby yet?” Respond in humorous and patient ways, keeping in mind how sweet it is that people care and are checking in on you, and how much worse you could have it, and how exciting and precious these moments are. And/or copy and paste “I WILL FUCKING TELL YOU WHEN THERE IS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU BLAAAAAGGGHHHH”

7) Relax by thinking about how much your midwife will enjoy her relaxing tropical vacation she’s scheduled to take next week while you deliver your late baby with some random shlub in possession of something called a “medical degree.”

Any other suggestions?

 

17 responses to “Things To Do While Waiting For a Baby To Be Born

  1. Watch lots of TV…especially old TV series like Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke.

    Of course, I don’t know what you watched when you were a kid. The Cosby Show? Seinfeld? (maybe too edgy).

  2. I think I watched “books.” I do remember when I was pregnant with Harper and couldn’t sleep being overjoyed to find that Twilight Zone episodes were on some weird channel at like 3 in the morning. What a program!

  3. I second your dad’s suggestion. The first three seasons of “The Mary Tyler Moore” show are free on Hulu, and I am in really deep right now…that show is amazing, inspiring, hilarious! So, you should watch it while you wait for Boombox. I hope he makes his appearance soon!

  4. So, I’m due tomorrow (with a boy) and my older little boy will be two on the 20th. So, we are kind of sort of in the same sitch. Just wanted to let you know that your blog is great.
    Hey, any baby yet? J/K I hear that constantly too…

    • Thanks! Happy birthday to big brother abd congratulations to you…hope that baby arrives quickly and easily. Don’t you think there should be an indicator light that tells you when your labor will be starting?! The suspense! Ay!

  5. The movies? A pedicure (Sisters is across the street from your apartment)? A meal out with Adam? Walk and walk and walk around the block (that is if you want to get things moving…)?

    • Ha– getting a pedicure is basically the first thing I did as soon as my mom got into town! Fancy shmancy. I personally hadn’t seen my toes in a while, so I’m sure they needed some attention, poor little guys.

  6. Hee heh heh. I think maybe the other thing to do while you’re waiting is to consume a lot of pastries. Also, did I ever tell you that the day before I had Smally I spent the whole afternoon with my mom, and went on a long walk in the park with her, and actually held her hand like a little kid, and I think all the calming mommy-chemicals were actually what made me go into labor?

    Also I think I would like to nominate “did you have the baby yet?” as one of the Top 5 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman, alongside
    1. You’re huge!
    2. Are you having twins?
    3. Are you gonna pop right here?
    4. Here is where I tell you my awesome ten-hour labor story!

    Hang in there, Funny Shearny.

    • I couldn’t agree more with your list of don’ts! Brilliant. It should be printed on a card and given to all pregnant women so they can hand it out like those deaf-mutes on the subway.

  7. Susannah Butscher

    Oh, Amy, I feel for you! It’s so hard to wait! My 2nd took longer to cook than my 1st too (and both were almost 2 weeks late). I have no advice…I just wish I had your blog to read when I was in your shoes! You are so funny, despite mushy brain! Hang in there xo

  8. So I shouldn’t keep texting you concerned messages such as:
    you had baby yet?
    baby$?!
    when is no. 2 gonna drop, lemme know?

  9. Thanks for the giggles, I am only a few days late with my second but your #4 suggestion was my favorite.

  10. Pingback: Latest teaching baby how to read news – Breakthrough Secret, Teach Your Baby To Read | your baby can read

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